i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
