So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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