So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
