from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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