seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
