it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
