I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
