remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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