I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i drank out of a bidet.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
