Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
