My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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