i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
