They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
