I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Someone shattered a urinal.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver