woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have feelings that need drinking.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...