So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo