Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
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Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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