ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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