I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
