cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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