you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
