Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
