She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
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