as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
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I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
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However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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