Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
