Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
