Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
