I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
