His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
