The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
