you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
and you fell through a lawn chair
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
