Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
