Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
