His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she peed on how many people?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
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I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
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What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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