One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
