Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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