So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
