at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
