why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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