dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
