Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
