Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
