To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
