I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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