No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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