remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
