JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
