maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
