If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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