I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
