She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
