so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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