better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
