Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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