the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
