I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
