my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
it glows. i had to have it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
