You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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