I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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