soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
