he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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