Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
