But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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