She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Ketchup is God's man juice
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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