he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
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He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we're making bets on your personal life
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
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I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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