he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Say something about gay babies.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
